pie nook

just one stop in between deliveries
remember Miss Olive and her cat are waiting for their books
don't dally they don't have all day
...okay they might
still be a good liberry girl and be coffee-quick

but I didn't expect this

it hits me in the stomach
like when you run into an ex,
maybe more like smelling an ex,
a good one, the detergent on their clothes,
can't see it coming
so i don't get to brace

this is my corner
my table
my nook.
hello old friend
I didn't know meeting would be such sweet sorrow
and it is sweet
I didn't know I missed you

the barista is new, but this one also calls me honey
as if I'm the younger one
and I love it

my holy spot
where I spent a year of mornings
before there was the liberry
there was you

you taught me how to sit still.
how to draw for fun
how to draw for a reason
once we drew a book
do you remember?

we wrote jokes, sets, notecards.
I'd practice silently in my head
for open mics,
trying not to move my lips
so the man across from me wouldn't look up from his laptop

you helped me learn to appreciate my age
although mostly I tried to decipher it:
am I old?  am I young?
and yes
it's relative and there are relatives all around me
i try to guage myself
it's confusing though, because I'm wearing skinny jeans
but so is that man
we can't both be right.
could we both be wrong?

but in a coffee house
by late morning - when those with real jobs have cleared out -
everyone fancies himself
a writer, a reader, a sketcher, a dreamer
I start to think maybe that's what levels the field
the fancying
it matters

maybe age isn't what we believed
Miss Olive Miyagi is teaching me better
maybe life keeps coming and growing
if we keep creating, reading, learning
don't you have something to make and add?
has all the art already been arted?
maybe there's more if only we start it

Prof. Machovec always demanded
"Don't divide up the finite pie and wait for the tin to run empty,
make more pie!" .
there's always more pie can be made.
word pie
music pie
picture pie
people pie

Little Corner, it's been awhile.
did you miss me?
who was your rebound?
I bet she drank sissy coffees,
and sat here Instagramming her scones
I hate her already.
no more lattes and selfies, sir
MY pie table.
MY pie nook.
just for today, I re-declare this pam's pie corner

stand back and watch me bake.

painting by www.davidarms.com

worst nightmare #2

syringe birds...I've never trusted 'em


worst nightmare #1

I HATE HATE HATE tight spaces.
our Wet n' Wild visit is imminent.
the kids keep asking why I won't ride any of the tunnel slides.
I have a recurring nightmare (pictured here).
no one at Wet n' Wild has been able to promise this can't happen....
and if it did, I feel sure I could fight my way out with the strength and adrenaline of a thousand angry mothers,
but do we really want that?
[not pictured: the 10 humans I'm standing on to fight my way out]
just look at that smug elephant. I hate him so.



oh Mary Mary, why you be so contrary?

today, i'm sitting in my backyard full of stumps. 
there is no real stump story there except we keep killing trees somehow.
however, try not to be distracted by gardening tips you think I need.  I know it's hard because I just pointed verbally at something shiny (or dry and rotting), but you can do it; I know you can.
I have a different point to make.

this morning, when I open up my tiny book Joy and Strength written in 1901 by Mary Wilder Tileston (whom I picture with a doily on her head and cat on her lap), I find two opposing pages:

on the August 15th page, I am warned that "God does not require you to be perfect, but He does require you to be unceasing in your perseverance...to battle against every germ of sin left in you...every little speck or hint...do not stop fighting...do not become wearied in your efforts."

well, just kill me now.  I'm weary just reading this.

however, only one page over on August 16th, I'm encouraged "do not fear!  do not be discouraged by your weak places!  wait for God's help...be still...in the stillness just believe in His name...abide...don't hurry, just wait and see Him scatter (sin) that you could not defeat."

oh Mary-- why are you are so vexing and confusing in your doily, my dear.
you make want to pinch you and your cat.
you tell me to pick myself up by my bootstraps one day, and 24 hours later, i'm to abide and chill.
what's your scheme, Schemer?

but as I sit and pinch cat-less air in frustration, I have a thought.

what if the "work" is the work to just keep on abiding and being still?
it sounds lazy, but have you tried it?
abiding is hard.
like mad hard.
being still takes a lot of energy.
it feels like it might even burn calories.
and resting is just plain exhausting.

that's enough work for anyone.

I have a hard time doing it, but even I, full of four cups of coffee and a frenetic disposition would choose it over trying to rehabilitate myself, and straighten the crooked ways in my heart.

if my "work" is to be still, and let Someone else do the work...
well then, I suppose I can live with that.

okay then.  thanks, Mary.
your cat will live to see another un-pinched day.