School is out


School is out.  That means everyone is touching everyone, and not in a fun way.

The kids are complaining and moaning and fighting..."Why don't we have any fun snacks?!  There is nothing to do!  Why do we have to do everything around here?!  Why can't I be an only child?!"

Finally, I said, "You're right.  You have convinced me.  You face a heart-wrenching plight.  Here is what we are going to do.  We are going to set up a Caring Bridge site for each of you.  On there you can post your sufferings and complaints, such as:

1) My mother always buys Fruit Roll-ups instead of Fruit by the Foot; and

2) Why should I have to walk to the refrigerator for my own juice box when my mother is already crouching near it, scrubbing the floor?

3) Why should I help clean the dog vomit?  Isn't it enough that I point it out to her?

"I feel like the community will really respond and reach out to you in your time of need.  You may get some donations, and you will definitely receive lots of prayer.  They'll want to keep up with your progress, and see whether your circumstances improve."

So watch for their posts and get your checkbooks ready.

The Running Belt

The attractive thing about running is that it doesn't take place at home. In fact, by definition, if you do it right, you are heading away from your home.

I think I will get "the belt."  You know...those belts you see runners wearing that hold gel packs, Luna bars, water bottles, cell phones...I don't know what else...epipens? first aid kits?  I see those people and I think, "How far are you running?  Are you running away?"  I've enjoyed mocking them, but I have decided to join them.  And I have a plan:

1) Belt contents: 
2) Load belt:  Fried chicken legs, 2 Modellos, spray water bottle;
3) Location:  vacant lot around the corner (formerly known as The Lawn Center, formerly formerly known as place that guy got shot)
4) Plan:  Head to lot, relax until chicken legs gone, spritz self with water (aka "fake sweat") and head home again.