grammar can hurt, but don't take italics so personally

i love grammar.
UNDERPANTS. did that keep you from clicking away? it works on my kids.

for instance, i love people who know how to use "whom." in fact, those are people for whom i have great affection.

also, i've noticed people ignore the semicolon; the semicolon is your friend.

there are other tools people neglect:  the colon; the comma; and the dash (see what i did there with that colon?)

...ellipses...are... my...favorite...tool..
they help you tell funny jokes...(wait for it)...damn funny ones.
see? they give you that "beat" before the whammy. and i have great respect for people who use the beat and the whammy correctly.

on a side note, i don't care about capital letters too much. they seem so aggressive.
i love ee cummings.  he was a lowercase sweetie.
EGAD! HOW COULD SHE NOT CARE ABOUT CAPITALS?! okay, i guess i like them for expressing outrage.

today, however, is an ode to italics. you can change an entire sentence depending on their location. i think people speak to us using italics in one place,but we hear the italics in the wrong place. sometimes we change the placement and punish ourselves with the italics in a way the speaker never intended.

let me give you an example:
"pam, you always have something funny to say." innocuous, right?
my interpretation:
"pam, you always have something funny to say." (i.e., does it ever stop?)
or "pam, you always have something funny to say." (i.e., it may not be funny, but there's no dead air.)
or "pam, you always have something funny to say." (i.e., so, so verbal, Honey.  may i offer you a lozenge?)

don't beat yourself with the hairshirt of italics friends. people probably don't mean much by the italics you think you heard. even if the italics were there, just tell yourself most people don't know how to use them anyway. because, as steve martin says, "some people have a way with words...other people not have way."

clever humans: girls who probably know how to use "whom"

sometimes men are hard on women.
sometimes women are hard on women.
sometimes i am hard on women.

but not today.  today i want to tell you about some girls i love and respect and enjoy, because they are funny, smart, deep and a little weirdy and wordsmithy.  maybe you'll meet someone new whom you will love:

kelly oxford

 she's too cute not to love

her pants are on fire...because she's a liar...see what she did there?  clever plucky girl.
anyway, she's a mom, a great writer, hilarious to follow on social media and was weird and wordy even as a child who tried to bring star wars to the stage in her childhood neighborhood.  wonderful book.  she swears a lot though, so if you're fragile, either buck up or stay away.


maria bamford
i might inadvertantly be in love with her dog, but no matter...

if you have ever struggled with depression or worried that you were just a little weirder than most people, you should immediately go to youtube and watch episodes of The Maria Bamford Show.  the episodes are very short, hilarious, insightful and she plays EVERY role...because she's a small blonde savant WHOM you should love.


allie brosh

well, i realize this one too is a bit depressed and loves the f-word.  i see a pattern.  okay, i'm not going to warn you anymore about the profanity.  they all swear.  i only like women with sailory potty mouths.  she is a tiny genius and has written the funniest, but most accurate account of depression i have read.  besides that though, her blog and book include a million hilarious accounts and drawings that have nothing to do with suicide...so sunshine and unicorns and what not, right?  she does a LOT with a small amount of ink.  it's impressive.  this is a book that, if i can just get myself over to the table to pick it up on a bad day, will make me laugh out loud every single time.  you should keep it around like Maalox, just in case you need it.


there are other women i like, but i can't just sit around all day and blog.  netflix beckons.